Daycare, dun dun dunnnnnn

Yesterday was my first day back at work, which means it was Caroline's first day of daycare.

It.

Was.

Rough.

Josh came with me to offer me moral support. I'm so glad he was there because, being the often socially awkward person I am, I would have been lost without him. Caroline looked so happy being there, which made it a lot easier for me. I think if she had been screaming I would have gone "NOPE" and just gone back home with her! I held it together really well inside the daycare, but the second we walked out of the door I started bawling. Josh reassured me that she looked happy and they will take good care of her, but I just felt like the worst mommy ever. I felt like I was abandoning her. I cried all the way to Chickfila where I wiped off my tears and ordered a parfait.

I didn't cry once at work. One would think that after twelve weeks of maternity leave, there would be work here for me to do. NOPE! Nothing. Which probably made the day harder, because I had nothing to take my mind off my baby. Pumping at work was awkward, but I'll keep it up. My pump is super loud, so I'm sure people could hear it. And everyone knows I'm in here emptying my boobs, haha, so that's... different. But, I need to do it to keep my supply up, so it must be done!

Visiting her during lunch was reassuring, because she was pleasantly sleeping when I walked in. Well, I woke her up (bad mommy!) to go nurse her... in the car. I don't have a nursing cover or anything, so it was the most private place I could think of. I probably won't do that again, because I just felt super awkward. I think I will visit her again today, but just give her a lot of love and not try to nurse her. We'll figure out what works for us :) She gave me the sweetest smile when I was leaving to go back to work; it made my heart so happy.

She was so happy when I walked back into her daycare. She was sitting in a toy that had a mirror and she LOVES looking at herself (like mother like daughter, bahahaha). I was so happy to get her. We went to the store together and headed home.

I made us dinner and played with the baby and had another meltdown at 8:00. Josh is like, "why are you crying?" I was sad because it was already 8:00 and I felt like I had barely seen my baby girl :( I'll get used to it, but boy is it tough! My mom gave me a call to check on me, which made me feel a bit better. And Josh brought me home a red velvet cake, which made me feel better. But I still miss my girl!

The positive out of this: She slept for eight hours straight last night. Daycare is exhausting!