Has it really been a week?

 Has it really been a week since I last blogged? Oh, dear.

Well, a week into work and I still wish I was home. I miss my baby SO much! I have to keep telling myself that if I didn't work, we would be completely broke and in debt. Everyone keeps asking why I can't just stay at home. Yes, my husband is an attorney, but with that comes the student loans (if some people knew the dollar amount they would be shocked). Unlike some law school graduates, he actually pays his loans! We basically have two mortgages. But, Josh is doing the type of law he loves: criminal defense. And I am so proud of him! He doesn't make a million dollars a year like people seem to think he does (gee, I wish he made a fraction of that!). Therefore, I must work. If I stopped working and we stopped putting Caroline in daycare, we would still be losing over $25,000 per year. We can't exactly afford to lose that much money; I don't know many people who could. This is what gets me through each day at work. I'm doing what is best for my baby and my family. I just miss her snuggles oh so much :) Maybe one day I will be able to stay at home with her, but it's not a smart option at the moment

I have visited her at daycare during my lunch breaks a few days. More often than not I have to wake her up from a nap when I visit, which makes me feel terrible. I visited on Monday and she was napping, so I opted to not wake her up. I just watched her sleep for a minute, and then left. Yes, I am such a creeper!! Because I feel awkward when I visit during lunch and feel like I am actually just disrupting her day, I have been keeping busy during lunch by going to Barnes and Noble or walking around the mall. I am even trying to go to the grocery store during my lunch breaks so I don't have to drag her to the grocery store after work. This seems to work really well, as it gives us more quality time together at home! I think I am figuring out what works best for us, and that might mean no lunchtime visits.

I do pump at work, which actually helps break up my work day. Some mornings I pump when I get in, I usually pump at 10am, pump at 12pm, pump at 3pm, and then nurse her when we get home. The 10am pumping makes me realize, "yay! Only an hour and a half left until lunch!" The 12pm pumping makes me realize, "yay! The morning is over; onto the afternoon!" The 3pm pumping makes me realize, "yay! Only two more hours until I get to see my sweetheart!" It truly helps me break up my day, even though it is a bit awkward. I did have an encounter where the male attorney I work for knocked on my office door while I was pumping. Thank goodness my door has a lock!! Yeah, that was awkward. And I hate pumping because it is depressing how little milk it produces (less than 2oz per session; so sad). I have to send Caroline to daycare with formula only, because I could never pump enough to get her through a day (piglet eats 6oz every 2-3 hours!!). Oh, well! At least she gets the "good stuff" (as Joshua calls it) at home! Some breastmilk is better than none :)

Anywho, so that's how work is going. Now onto how Caroline is doing...

She is great!!!! She smiles so much now. She talks all the time. She can lift things with her hands and loves feeling different textures. She tracks us with her eyes as we walk around rooms, and turns her head to find us when we speak. She's finally aware of the pets' existence and is so intrigued. She spends her car rides telling Eeyore all about her day (he rides in the back with her, and all I can here is her talking to him and messing with his ears). She still hates tummy time, but a little less than a few weeks ago. She loves sitting in our laps and practicing sitting on her own (we hold her hands and pull her up; she loves it). She loves, loves, loves standing up (with our help, of course). She is such a little sweetheart; I am sort of in love!

Check out my Instagram for some adorable pictures!!

Things I am looking forward to:

- St. Patrick's Day: I get to enjoy a brewsky and it marks one year since I found out I was pregnant! I get to dress my little Irish girl in green.
- Easter: I am so excited I have already bought most of her Easter basket goodies! AND she can see the Easter Bunny this year! She was too tiny to see Santa before Christmas.

- BEACH: Me and Caroline (and hopefully Josh *fingers crossed*) will be traveling to Hilton Head, SC to see my parents and sister. CANNOT WAIT!!!

Love and miss you all!

Daycare, dun dun dunnnnnn

Yesterday was my first day back at work, which means it was Caroline's first day of daycare.

It.

Was.

Rough.

Josh came with me to offer me moral support. I'm so glad he was there because, being the often socially awkward person I am, I would have been lost without him. Caroline looked so happy being there, which made it a lot easier for me. I think if she had been screaming I would have gone "NOPE" and just gone back home with her! I held it together really well inside the daycare, but the second we walked out of the door I started bawling. Josh reassured me that she looked happy and they will take good care of her, but I just felt like the worst mommy ever. I felt like I was abandoning her. I cried all the way to Chickfila where I wiped off my tears and ordered a parfait.

I didn't cry once at work. One would think that after twelve weeks of maternity leave, there would be work here for me to do. NOPE! Nothing. Which probably made the day harder, because I had nothing to take my mind off my baby. Pumping at work was awkward, but I'll keep it up. My pump is super loud, so I'm sure people could hear it. And everyone knows I'm in here emptying my boobs, haha, so that's... different. But, I need to do it to keep my supply up, so it must be done!

Visiting her during lunch was reassuring, because she was pleasantly sleeping when I walked in. Well, I woke her up (bad mommy!) to go nurse her... in the car. I don't have a nursing cover or anything, so it was the most private place I could think of. I probably won't do that again, because I just felt super awkward. I think I will visit her again today, but just give her a lot of love and not try to nurse her. We'll figure out what works for us :) She gave me the sweetest smile when I was leaving to go back to work; it made my heart so happy.

She was so happy when I walked back into her daycare. She was sitting in a toy that had a mirror and she LOVES looking at herself (like mother like daughter, bahahaha). I was so happy to get her. We went to the store together and headed home.

I made us dinner and played with the baby and had another meltdown at 8:00. Josh is like, "why are you crying?" I was sad because it was already 8:00 and I felt like I had barely seen my baby girl :( I'll get used to it, but boy is it tough! My mom gave me a call to check on me, which made me feel a bit better. And Josh brought me home a red velvet cake, which made me feel better. But I still miss my girl!

The positive out of this: She slept for eight hours straight last night. Daycare is exhausting!

I'm Blogging!!

Happy Valentine's Day, all! Mine has been great because I get to spend it with my tiny Valentine, Miss Caroline. Josh has to work all day, whomp whom, but he did surprise me with a bouquet of flowers! The card says:

To the Love of My Life - Josh

To My Milk Machine - Caroline

To My Food Giver - Wrangler

Yippee! - Ellie

Indifference - Tollie and Parker

I love my family. I might look into drying or pressing the roses because 1) Roses are pretty and I am, in fact, a Rose, 2) Roses are so expensive, you might as well make the most of them! and 3) It just seems like a fun, inexpensive project for me!

Wow, I haven't blogged since her two month checkup! Thankfully, that is now a distant memory; I don't ever want to hear that scream again! So, what have we been up to since then? Let's stalk my Facebook and Instagram to find out, because I can't remember anything on my own :)

I made an awesome feast for Superbowl Sunday, complete with a cheddar cheese ball (I so didn't make that, but it was good), skinny buffalo chicken dip (Recipe), and skinny potato skins (Recipe). And we enjoyed beers. I lived dangerously and had two beers. Whoa! I don't think I ever really watched the game. I just spent time with my little family and enjoyed the food and beer!

I went to the dentist. Now, that is exciting! Caroline was AMAZING while there; I was so nervous bringing her. She just sat in a corner and talked to herself the entire time. Luckily, it was a short visit, as my teeth seemed to be in pretty good shape. Still no cavities!!!

My parents visited!!!!!!!!! Oh, it was so much fun! My dad finally got to meet his first grandbaby and it was love at first sight (for both of them). And my mom got to see how much Caroline has changed. Their visit was oh so nice, and way too short! We had some fun adventures, such as an outing to Havana to shop and hanging out on the front porch drinking beers like a bunch of rednecks. My parents and grandma bought Caroline an activity saucer (This One!), which she's going to LOVE!!! Gosh, I miss them SO much already, but we're hoping to see them again in May. I hope it works out! I love spending time with them and I know Caroline does, too. She was all smiles and had a lot to tell them!

Caroline and I also enjoyed a Valentine's Day-ish Photoshoot yesterday. Let me just walk you through how a typical photoshoot with Caroline goes.

1) We put her in a cute outfit and she behaves and poses for a bit, and we get images like these gems:

2) Those images were obviously exhausting and burned a lot of calories, so she started crying and was hungry. This led to me nursing her in her cute outfit, which then put her in a food coma. So, we had a five minute nap, which ended in these pictures:

3) Well, once she woke up she (in true Caroline fashion) spit up all over her adorable outfit. So, the clothes came off. BUT, the hat stayed on. That's how we got these cute images:

And then, she got fussy again as she realized she was sick of wearing this hat. So, the hat came off, and I got my final group of shots:

Good grief, I love this little girl. How am I going to possibly go to work without her on Monday? I don't want to leave her :(